Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't deserve a penis
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
