Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
