you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
