Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
