do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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