p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
