saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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