I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
