I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
