I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
