1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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