You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
