happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
