I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
