and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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