My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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