Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
