i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
