Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
