Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
