you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
