my vag is so smooth its legendary
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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