so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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