I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
