he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
