so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
from now on my penis is your penis
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
