words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
