I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
