He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
