Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
