Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
