who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
