Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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