so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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