Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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