First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His hands were made for my vagina.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
