I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
