out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I have post one night stand depression
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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