We're facebook friends in real life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
