thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And then he peed in my hair
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
