How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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