Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
