does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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