Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
