Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
