the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
