Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
