you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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