Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
