Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
