I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
